This month: Mortality, Priority and Moving Forward
Some of the readers of this blog (however few or many there may be) might laugh at me for contemplating my mortality at 29. But how many of you who are older did the same at my age?
I am single, have no desire for children, and certainly see no joy in trying to climb either a property or career ladder right now.
Although at one time in my life I did see value in some of these things.
Having M.E has changed me (for the better).
I have spent much of the last month and the last week in particular, sitting with my thoughts and moral beliefs and trying to get comfortable with them. If I found myself becoming uncomfortable, I asked myself why that was so. And (after a whole lot of soul searching) I came to some pleasing conclusions:
1) I am single and I embrace this freedom and indepence
2) I have no interest in having children
3) Some people might see my job as "boring" or "dead end", but I find it fulfilling and challenging
4) I am happy for making art to be my hobby or second income, I much prefer this than striving to acheive in an over-saturated industry
5) Taking time to relax and take care of myself is just as important as wanting to actively achieve any goal I may set myself
I don't want to go into detail about any of these points, as they are are private and personal to me. They could be thought of as my "big" life choices/beliefs. Although I have given you a brief outline of them for a reason...
I believe that full recovery is not possible until you accept that your lifestyle and every aspect of it must change. Thinking that you want to get back to how things were before you were ill is pointless-when you think about it, how much were you enjoying or getting out of life before you were ill??? For me my life consisted of struggling to keep up with my work, my social life and spending ALL of my days off sleeping. Who wants that lifestyle back again?
However, making change is not easy, which is why I've stuggled so much emotionally the past month. Letting go of the past and embracing the future is hard work. The points listed above could well be thought of in opposite terms twelve months ago; but now they are as they are, and reading them excites me and makes me happy and content. And that, really, is all we want out of life, isn't it?
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Friday, 28 September 2012
CFS Progress Review: September 2012
This month: Mortality, Priority and Moving Forward
Some of the readers of this blog (however few or many there may be) might laugh at me for contemplating my mortality at 29. But how many of you who are older did the same at my age?
I am single, have no desire for children, and certainly see no joy in trying to climb either a property or career ladder right now.
Although at one time in my life I did see value in some of these things.
Having M.E has changed me (for the better).
I have spent much of the last month and the last week in particular, sitting with my thoughts and moral beliefs and trying to get comfortable with them. If I found myself becoming uncomfortable, I asked myself why that was so. And (after a whole lot of soul searching) I came to some pleasing conclusions:
1) I am single and I embrace this freedom and indepence
2) I have no interest in having children
3) Some people might see my job as "boring" or "dead end", but I find it fulfilling and challenging
4) I am happy for making art to be my hobby or second income, I much prefer this than striving to acheive in an over-saturated industry
5) Taking time to relax and take care of myself is just as important as wanting to actively achieve any goal I may set myself
I don't want to go into detail about any of these points, as they are are private and personal to me. They could be thought of as my "big" life choices/beliefs. Although I have given you a brief outline of them for a reason...
I believe that full recovery is not possible until you accept that your lifestyle and every aspect of it must change. Thinking that you want to get back to how things were before you were ill is pointless-when you think about it, how much were you enjoying or getting out of life before you were ill??? For me my life consisted of struggling to keep up with my work, my social life and spending ALL of my days off sleeping. Who wants that lifestyle back again?
However, making change is not easy, which is why I've stuggled so much emotionally the past month. Letting go of the past and embracing the future is hard work. The points listed above could well be thought of in opposite terms twelve months ago; but now they are as they are, and reading them excites me and makes me happy and content. And that, really, is all we want out of life, isn't it?
Some of the readers of this blog (however few or many there may be) might laugh at me for contemplating my mortality at 29. But how many of you who are older did the same at my age?
I am single, have no desire for children, and certainly see no joy in trying to climb either a property or career ladder right now.
Although at one time in my life I did see value in some of these things.
Having M.E has changed me (for the better).
I have spent much of the last month and the last week in particular, sitting with my thoughts and moral beliefs and trying to get comfortable with them. If I found myself becoming uncomfortable, I asked myself why that was so. And (after a whole lot of soul searching) I came to some pleasing conclusions:
1) I am single and I embrace this freedom and indepence
2) I have no interest in having children
3) Some people might see my job as "boring" or "dead end", but I find it fulfilling and challenging
4) I am happy for making art to be my hobby or second income, I much prefer this than striving to acheive in an over-saturated industry
5) Taking time to relax and take care of myself is just as important as wanting to actively achieve any goal I may set myself
I don't want to go into detail about any of these points, as they are are private and personal to me. They could be thought of as my "big" life choices/beliefs. Although I have given you a brief outline of them for a reason...
I believe that full recovery is not possible until you accept that your lifestyle and every aspect of it must change. Thinking that you want to get back to how things were before you were ill is pointless-when you think about it, how much were you enjoying or getting out of life before you were ill??? For me my life consisted of struggling to keep up with my work, my social life and spending ALL of my days off sleeping. Who wants that lifestyle back again?
However, making change is not easy, which is why I've stuggled so much emotionally the past month. Letting go of the past and embracing the future is hard work. The points listed above could well be thought of in opposite terms twelve months ago; but now they are as they are, and reading them excites me and makes me happy and content. And that, really, is all we want out of life, isn't it?
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Sounds to me that you really have soul searched. a very heart felt post xx
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