A
year ago today I phoned in sick to work and didn't go back for seven
months. Reading back over my blog posts the time seems to have flown
by. I am going to try and condense the last 12 months into a concise
blog post that sums up the best and worst of the last year.
Starting
with my 2012 Manifesto in January:
Look
at how I can change aspects of my lifestyle to benefit my physical
and emotional health
Make
time to develop my art, craft and vintage business(es!)
Learn
to trust the process of life and all it's inevitable unpredictability
One
Thing At A Time
Stop
doing what I think others/society/”they” want me to do and start
doing what makes ME happy and healthy.
In
the main I have stuck to this throughout. After completing a course
of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) I have a much more methodical
and reasoned approach towards any problems that crop up. I regularly
practise meditation to help clam my mind and body, and this helps me
go about me life in a calm and relaxed yet alert and mindful manner.
My Buddhist beliefs also reinforce many of these factors. In February
my anti-depressants had started to have an effect and I was having
more
reasoned, rational, constructive and positive thought patterns.
February:
Starting simply with nutrition and diet I adopted the practise of
drinking four pints of filtered water a day. Recently I have lapsed
with this, and the process of re-reading my posts has reminded me how
important it is, so I am back on the water wagon again! A frozen
lemon wedge adds a lovely cool zing too! I quickly realised my cow's
milk intolerance had returned from childhood, and as we know, CFS has
lots of links with candida, thrush and yeast infections so I
discovered I was intolerant to yeast too.
I
started doing my food shopping online. This gave me back a sense of
independence whilst also enabling me to conserve energy. I think this
simple idea is one of the best inventions of recent times, and I am
so grateful to the friendly Sainsbury's drivers-I never had any
problems with my orders and would highly recommend the service.
I
quickly realised that my energy levels were directly related to the
food I was eating. I now focus on natural foods, minimal animal
products, and freshly cooked produce whenever possible; although if I
am having a low energy day I do not berate myself for putting a
frozen pizza in the oven, and I do allow myself treats, but my body
will not hesitate to tell me if I am not eating well!
Fascinating
fact: In
February, a “good day” meant I could do 45 minutes of light
activity before I had to lie down and rest completely for 15 minutes.
Incredible to think that I went from that, to presently working four
4 hour shifts per week!
March: By
March I was beginning to feel better, but I knew the key to a great
recovery was PACING. I cannot stress this enough. I hated the idea at
first, and even though I had read loads and loads about it, I still
wasn't sure. But I gave it a go, and started making notes of every
little thing I did throughout the day, what time I did it and for how
long. This gave me a really clear idea of how I was proportioning my
time, how productive I was being and where I could conserve energy by
doing something called “switching/pacing” (give it a Google!)
As
well as being productive throughout the day, I knew I had to address
my sleep hygiene and my bedtime routine. I downloaded some relaxation
mp3's, which I still use (they're amazing), and made sure I kept a
regular bedtime and waking routine. I was getting to the point where
I could be up and dressed for 9am, even though I might not do
anything the rest of the day!
I
was also able to incorporate a bit more exercise into my daily
activities, even if it was just walking outside for a few minutes.
Not only was this a huge step physically, it was also a huge mountain
to climb for me within the psychological aspect of my recovery. I
hated going outside as I feared people would see me and think I was
“skiving” from work, as to all intents and purposes I looked well
(as we know this happens with ME/CFS), even though I still felt
physically and mentally exhausted the majority of the time. But
getting out and about, even for short periods, helped boost my
confidence and lessen my depressive symptoms massively.
April
& May:
“When
you have ME/CFS the last thing you need is pressure. Pressure creates
stress, and stress exacerbates ME/CFS.”
By
April I was cycling 2 minutes a day on my exercise bike, and getting
out for 6 minute walks when I felt up to it.
I was keeping up with all the goals I had set myself so far, like
drinking plenty of water, getting healthy, natural foods inside me,
pacing, and having a good sleep routine. In May I began my course of
CBT. Re-reading my blog posts now I can see that around this period
of time, my writing became much more cohesive, upbeat and positive. I
really couldn't recognise myself in the tone of the early posts.
June: In
June I saw my GP for the last time, as she declared me fit for work!
I had actually asked her to do this as I had been feeling much much
better for quite a while, and was actually now beginning to get
frustrated sitting at home all day. I wanted something to do. I
wanted my life to begin again.
I
came up with a three-point manifesto to take me through the coming
months:
Maintain
a good state of health by applying all knowledge learned within the
past twelve months.
Steadily
increase working hours up to sixteen per week, using phased return.
Enjoy
creative pursuits and other hobbies to enhance physical and mental
well-being.
A
couple of weeks before I returned to work, my beloved feathered
friend, Jimmy the budgie, passed away. I was so sad to lose him, but
I somehow knew that he
knew he had helped me through the most difficult time of my life. He
was a fluffy old bird, and it was time for him to go. I will never
forget his amusing chattering, singing and squawking! He now
regularly sends a whole menagerie of different birds to my back
garden where they feast on nuts, seeds and fat balls!
July
& August: As
I was back at work, I wanted to make sure I kept my immune system
topped up. To this day (touch wood) I have not yet caught one cold or
bug that's gone round at work, while colleagues have been smothered!
I am obviously feeding and treating my body correctly now.
I
decided to go vegetarian for a month, and this increased my energy
levels noticeably. I do eat meat now, but I eat generally with a much
more mindful approach, and really think about what I am consuming and
why.
I
finished my course of CBT in August, my therapist was extremely happy
with the improvements I had made. I review everything monthly now,
just to refresh where I am at emotionally, and to notice if there is
anything in my life I am finding difficult. I can then go back and
apply the CBT principles to help me overcome this.
September:
Time
for another manifesto:
1) I am single and I embrace this freedom and independence
2) I have
no interest in having children and this is fine
3) Some people
might see my job as "boring" or "dead end", but
I find it fulfilling and challenging
4) I am happy for making art
to be my hobby or second income, I much prefer this than striving to
achieve in an over-saturated industry
5) Taking time to relax and
take care of myself is just as important as wanting to actively
achieve any goal I may set myself
I believe that full recovery from ME/CFS is not possible until
you accept that your lifestyle and every aspect of it must change.
You must want this change, be ready for it physically and
emotionally, and be happy with it.
October
& November: By
now I seem to have developed a new rhythm in my life. One which is
beneficial and fulfilling to my mental and physical health. I try to
apply mindfulness to my daily activities, be they at work or at home,
and be more self-aware. I listen to my body more by applying
meditation techniques, and communicate with my body and my self. I
have only recently started being creative again, and creating art
that I really really like, instead of striving to appeal to the
masses. I look forward with enthusiasm to my free time, as I have
lots of exciting projects that I am in the midst of. I really enjoy
cooking healthy meals and searching out new recipes, and I enjoy
getting out in the fresh air and power walking-recently I walked 5k
in under an hour!
December: So
here I am, one year on. I hate getting philosophical or sentimental,
especially when I know I am publishing this for the entire internet
to read! But this time last year I had a raging sore throat, a cold
that wouldn't go, and was so physically tired I had to drag myself up
the stairs on all fours to use the bathroom. I was in a very very
very black place come 23rd
December, and was searching for all sorts of things on the internet
that one should never have to read. I wouldn't wish what I have been
through in the past 12 months on anyone, anywhere, ever, and I think
it's high time the authorities concerned started taking this illness
much more seriously.
If
my blog has helped only one person change one thing about their
ME/CFS affected life that improves it, then I have done what I set
out to do 12 months ago.
I
wish everyone who is suffering to whatever degree, the very best for
the future. If you know of anyone who has this illness please don't
laugh it off or make light of it, be there for the person and help
them if you can.
Thank
you all so very much for reading.
This
blog post is written in memory of my amazing Grandma, Bernadette
Mawdsley,
who
passed away peacefully in her sleep on Thursday 22nd
November at the grand old age of 90.
Rest
in Peace Grandma, night night your God Bless xxx
